Area Man Discovers He’s a Better Driver After a Drink or Two

KALAMAZOO, MI – Local friends report that Christopher Albright, nearly empty beer bottle in hand, alleges he’s fine to drive and, in fact, is a better driver once inebriated. A friend’s party started around 9pm EST and Albright had arrived stone sober, reports indicate.  Friends say after he opened his third alcoholic beverage, Albright “Wanted tacos,” and was willing to go to a nearby drive-thru. 

            When asked if he was okay to drive, Albright said the following, “Dude, I’m like a way better driver when I’m lit. It’s like I’m hyper aware of my environment and traffic conditions to make up for my delayed reaction time,” he claimed. 

            Albright's friend, Cody Roberts was able to calm the man down once he said they could just make tacos at the party. Reports later indicate that Albright, instead, just passed out on the couch.